I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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