I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
