my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize