trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
