the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
