I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
