census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
