You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
