So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
