the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
