how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
