Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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