How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
