I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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