its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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