grandma shit on top of the toilet
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
