Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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