she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize