The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
