Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
