i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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