Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
