Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
