yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
