I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize