My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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