My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
