I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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