My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize