1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
