Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
