I cockslap morals
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
