What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
