I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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