i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
