When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize