Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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