guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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