Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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