i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
