We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
