.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
