This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize