he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
