Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
