dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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