It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize