Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
