You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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