I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
