You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He did a backflip because drugs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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