I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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