WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
