And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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