I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
