I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
