I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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