i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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