She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
