I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
