i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
