I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
