I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
