??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She's the barista slut.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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