yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
