I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
