i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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