I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
