Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
