i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
