Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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