I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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