All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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