I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
