I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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