i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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