Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
