Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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