it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Drunk is not a location!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
