I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
