I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
