Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
