just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
