woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I love you. Go after that dick
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
