If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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