he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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