I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
