OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
